250 Sarcastic Quotes and Sarcasm Sayings to Go Witty

Sarcasm is creativity. Sarcastic Quotes are often funny, ironic, sardonic, and satiric. If you are feeling witty and want to communicate your message through sarcastic remarks, here we have curated best Sarcastic Quotes for you.  Use these sarcasm quotes wisely according to situation ensuring these sarcastic sayings does not impair your relationships.

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “My neighbors listen to good music whether they like it or not.” ~ Anonymous

2. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” ~ Winston Churchill

3. “People kept saying ‘Go Corona Go’ and it went to other countries to spread across the globe.” ~ Invajy

4. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” ~ Steven Wright

5. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ~ A. A. Milne

6. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.” ~ Anonymous

7.  “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” ~ Rose (Betty White)

8. “People are prisoners of their phone… that’s why it’s called a “cell phone.” ~ Invajy

9. “I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar.” ~ Anonymous

10. “Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”  ~ Wayne H

Funny Sarcastic Quotes

11. “I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?” ~ Jeff Lindsay
12. “Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.” ~ Anonymous
13. “The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” ~ Marge Kennedy
14. “I am not young enough to know everything.” ~ Oscar Wilde
15. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”~ Emo Philips

12. “Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.” ~ Anonymous
13. “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. And I go normal from time to time.” ~ Anonymous
14. “Be the reason someone smiles today… Or the reason someone drinks. Whatever works.” ~ Anonymous
15. “They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.” ~ Clint Eastwood
16. “Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

21. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?” ~ Anonymous
22. “In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’.”  ~  Margaret Laurence
23. “Lead me not into temptation. I know the way.” ~ Anonymous
24. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.” ~ Anonymous
25. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.” ~ Anonymous

26. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” ~ Sam Levenson
27. “Find your patience before I lose mine.” ~ Anonymous
28. “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.” ~ Anonymous
29. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.” ~ Anonymous
30. “In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.” ~ Robert Brault

Sarcastic Quotes

31. “There are only two things a child will share willingly — communicable diseases and his mother’s age.” ~ Benjamin Spock
32. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.” ~ Anonymous
33. “When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.” ~ Anonymous
34. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.” ~ Anonymous
35. “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” ~ Robin Williams
36. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.” ~ Anonymous
37. “Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.” ~ Anonymous
38. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.” ~ Anonymous
39. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.” ~ Anonymous
40. “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Motivational Quotes

41. “Jealousy is a terrible disease. Get well soon.” ~ Anonymous
42. “The road to success is always under construction.” ~ Lily Tomlin
43. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ~ Anonymous
44. “Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.” ~ Anonymous
45. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” ~ Anonymous
46. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” ~ Billy Wilder
47. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.” ~ Anonymous
48. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” ~ W. C. Fields
49. “I don’t believe in plastic surgery but in your case, go ahead.” ~ Anonymous
50. “Life’s good, you should get one.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcasm Sayings

51. “I don’t keep secrets; I just keep people out of my business.” ~ Anonymous
52. “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.” ~ Anonymous
53. “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.” ~ Anonymous
54. “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.” ~ Anonymous
55. “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.” ~ Anonymous
56. “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.” ~ Anonymous
57. “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.” ~ Anonymous
58. “Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.” ~ Anonymous
59. “People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.” ~ Anonymous
60. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” ~ Anonymous

Funny Sarcasm Quotes

61. “The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” ~ Sam Levenson
62. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
63. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”  ~ Robin Williams
64. “I went to the general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.” ~  Steven Wright
65. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.” ~ Anonymous
66. “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. ” ~  Will Rogers
67. “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.” ~ Anonymous
68. “When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.’” ~ Anonymous
69. “Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.” ~ Anonymous
70. “The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.” ~ Anonymous

Quotes on Sarcasm

71. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest.” ~ Oscar Wilde
72. “This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” ~ Lorrie Moore
73. “I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” ~ Sarah Rees Brennan
74. “Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!” ~ Anonymous
75. “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.” ~ Anonymous
76. “I’m not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep.” ~ Anonymous
77. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.” ~ Anonymous
78. “Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.” ~ Anonymous
79. “Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.” ~ Anonymous
80. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes about life

81. “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” ~ Anonymous
82. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” ~ John Wayne
83. “When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.” ~ Anonymous
84. “Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I’d be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.” ~ Anonymous
85. “If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember!” ~ Anonymous
86. “Legends don’t die… I am a living example!” ~ Anonymous
87. “My life is just a series of awkward and humiliating moments separated by snacks.” ~ Anonymous
88. “Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don’t even work at.” ~ Anonymous
89. “I’m starting to think my purpose in life is to serve as a cautionary tale to others.” ~ Anonymous
90. “Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes for Friends

91. “Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” ~ Steve Irwin
92. “Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.” ~ Anonymous
93. “My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.” ~ Anonymous
94. “If they act like they can live without you… Help them do it.” ~ Anonymous
95. “If you ran as much as your mouth did you’d be in good shape” ~ Anonymous
96. “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.” ~ Anonymous
97. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.” ~ Anonymous
98. “You’re giving me the silent treatment? Finally.” ~ Anonymous
99. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.” ~ Anonymous
100. “The whiskey tastes like I’m about to tell you how I really feel.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes

101. “I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.” ~ Anonymous
102. “If you’re waiting for me to give a crap, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.” ~ Anonymous
103. “Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.” ~ Anonymous
104. “Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.” ~ Anonymous
105. “How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?” ~ Anonymous
106. “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.” ~ Anonymous
107. “You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.” ~ Anonymous
108. “Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.” ~ Eugene Bertin.
109. “My family is temperamental, half temper half mental.” ~ Anonymous
110. “Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. I snuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcasm Quotes

111. “Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.” ~ Anonymous
112. “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.” ~ John Stewart
113. “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.” ~ Walter Matthau
114. “My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.” ~ Anonymous
115. “You’re everything I want in someone I don’t want anymore.” ~ Anonymous
116. “Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.” ~ Martin Mull
117. “Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.” ~ Anonymous
118. “Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.” ~ Anonymous
119. “Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.” ~ David Frost
120. “You play the victim. I’ll play the disinterested bystander.” ~ Anonymous

Witty Quotes

121. “Never mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans a murder out loud.” ~ Anonymous
122. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” ~ Robin Williams
123. “Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” ~ Michael Levine
124. “Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.” ~ Anonymous
125. “I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.” ~ Anonymous
126. “I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.” ~ Anonymous
127. “If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” ~ Oliver Hardy
128. “I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently ‘a way out’ wasn’t the right answer.” ~ Anonymous
129. “I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.” ~ Mitch Hedberg
130. “My boss said I intimidate my co-workers. I stared at him until he apologized.” ~ Anonymous

Hilarious Sarcastic Quotes

131. “Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.” ~ Anonymous
132. “Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield
133. “It’s amazing how clean my house can get when I’m pissed off.” ~ Anonymous
134. “Instead of ‘single’ as a marital status they should have ‘independently owned and operated.’” ~ Anonymous
135. “I don’t fall asleep. I over think myself into a coma.” ~ Anonymous
136. “If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that ‘Members not Present’ and ‘Subjects Discussed’ were one and the same. ” ~ Robert Brault
137. “If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.” ~ Anonymous
138. “Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ’em.” ~ Emilie Autumn
139. “Instead of ‘have a nice day,’ I think I’ll start saying, ‘have the day you deserve.’ You know, let karma sort things out.” ~ Anonymous
140. “An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.” ~ Anonymous

Sarcastic Quotes

141. “My favorite party trick is not going.” ~ Anonymous
142. “The older I get the less surprised I think I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.” ~ Anonymous
143. “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!” ~ Groucho Marx
144. “People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.” ~ Anonymous
145. “So many people worry about their physical appearance and material possessions, that they completely disregard their crappy personality.” ~ Anonymous
146. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” ~ William James
147. “Some people really suck. Avoid them.” ~ Anonymous
148. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” ~ Oscar Wilde
149. “Sorry… to have met you.” ~ Anonymous
150. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” ~ Billy Connolly

Famous Sarcastic Quotes

151. “Back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them.” ~ Anonymous
152. “We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.”  ~ Samuel Beckett
153. “My circle is so small, I almost cut myself off.” ~ Anonymous
154. “There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m doing 50 in a 35. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.” ~ Anonymous
155. “During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever.” ~ Anonymous
156. “Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.” ~ Cecilia Egan
157. “I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my key, pen, cell phone, temper, and even my mind.” ~ Anonymous
158. “Yeah, I’m a pacifist. I’m about to pass a fist across your face.” ~ Anonymous
159. “If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.” ~ Anonymous
160. “Autocorrect still thinks I want to say ‘duck’ 12 times a day.” ~ Anonymous

Inspiring Sarcastic Quotes

161. “If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.” ~ Anonymous
162. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ~ Joan Crawford
163. “Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.” ~ Gene Perret
164. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” ~ Groucho Marx
165. “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” ~ Sacha Guitry
166. “I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.” ~ Oscar Wilde
167. “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?” ~ Anonymous
168. “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.” ~ Will Rogers
169. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” ~ Erma Bombeck
170. “Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.” ~ Steven Wright

Funny Sarcasm Quotes

171. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” ~ P. J. O’Rourke
172. “I don’t know how people can fake whole relationships. I can’t even fake a hello to somebody I don’t like.” ~ Anonymous
173. “The bigger your family, the bigger your problems.” ~ Anonymous
174. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” ~ Groucho Marx
175. “I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” ~ Edgar Allen Poe
176. “I either have my hair and makeup done or look homeless. There is no in between.” ~ Anonymous
177. “Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.” ~ Anonymous
178. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” ~ Henny Youngman
179. “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” ~ Max Kauffmann
180. “Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” ~ Stephen Colbert

Sarcastic Quotes

181. “No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.” ~ Anonymous
182. “Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
183. “Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning.” ~ Anonymous
184. “Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” ~ Will Rogers
185. “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.” ~ Anonymous
186. “You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!” ~ Anonymous
187. “You suck. You should fix that.” ~ Anonymous
188. “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” ~ Natalie Wood
189. “Sweating while you shop counts as exercise.” ~ Anonymous
190. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” ~ Groucho Marx

Quotes for Sarcastic Remarks

191. “My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.” ~ Anonymous
192. “Underestimate me. That will be fun.” ~ Anonymous
193. “You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” ~ Jerry Seinfeld
194. “I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.” ~ Anonymous
195. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” ~ Erma Bombeck
196. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” ~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti
197. “Apparently rock bottom has a basement.” ~ Anonymous
198. “Someday, you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.” ~ Anonymous
199. “Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it.” ~ Anonymous
200. “I always carry a knife in my purse. You know, in case of a cheesecake or something.” ~ Anonymous

Best Sarcastic Remarks

201. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.” ~ Anonymous
202. “My alone time is sometimes for your safety.” ~ Anonymous
203. “It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.” ~ Anonymous
204. “People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer.” ~ Anonymous
205. “You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.” ~ Anonymous
206. “Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?” ~ Anonymous
207. “I need to teach my facial expressions how to use inside their voice.” ~ Anonymous
208. “Tuesday is Monday’s ugly sister.” ~ Anonymous
209. “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.” ~ Anonymous
210. “I always say ‘Morning’ Instead of ‘good morning‘ Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.” ~ Anonymous

Clever Sarcastic Quotes

211. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” ~ Sir Winston Churchill
212. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”  ~ James Holt McGavran
213. “My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.” ~ Anonymous
214. “After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.” ~ Anonymous
215. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” ~ Anonymous
216. “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” ~ Patrick Murray
217. “This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.” ~ Anonymous
218. “I’m actually not funny, I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.” ~ Anonymous
219. “What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.” ~ Anonymous
220. “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” ~ Joey Adams

Sarcastic Quotes

221. “There’s someone for everyone and that person for you is a psychiatrist.” ~ Anonymous
222. “I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment.” ~ Anonymous
223. “Not a single one of my multiple personalities like you.” ~ Anonymous
224. “I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.” ~ Anonymous
225. “If someone asks, ‘Are you crazy?’ Simply reply, ‘Yes.’ Boom. End of discussion.” ~ Anonymous
226. “Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.” ~ Anonymous
227. “I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.” ~ Anonymous
228. “Don’t confuse a smile with someone baring teeth.” ~ Anonymous
229. “I love deadlines; I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” ~ Anonymous
230. “We all know someone who speaks fluent crap.” ~ Anonymous

Short Sarcastic Quotes

231. “Be happy. It drives people crazy.” ~ Anonymous
232. “They say ignorance is bliss but I find yours rather disturbing.” ~ Anonymous
233. “Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.” ~ Anonymous
234. “Being an adult is looking both ways before you cross the street and getting hit by an airplane.” ~ Anonymous
235. “You can be whatever you want; however, in your case you should probably aim low.” ~ Anonymous
236. “I am not lazy. I am on energy saving mode.” ~ Anonymous
237. “It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.” ~ Anonymous
238. “I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.” ~ Anonymous
239. “Whenever I go running, I meet new people… like paramedics.” ~ Anonymous
240. “I lost your number. I lost it when I hit ‘delete.’” ~ Anonymous

More Sarcastic Quotes

241. “For Halloween, I’m going to be emotionally stable. No one is going to know it’s me.” ~ Anonymous
242. “Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students!” ~ Robin Williams
243. “I wish more people were fluent in silence.” ~ Anonymous
244. “I found your nose. It was in my business.” ~ Anonymous
245. “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.” ~ Anonymous
246. “I’m not a hot mess. I’m a spicy disaster.” ~ Anonymous
247. “They say good things take time… That’s why I’m always late.” ~ Anonymous
248. “Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?” ~ Anonymous
249. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ~ Drew Carey
250. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Thank you for reading this. Which Sarcastic Quotes did you like in the above list? Please let us know your favorite Sarcastic Quotes in the comments section.

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